Wow. long time.

You know those moments when you sit down. Anywhere. look back on life and seem to find only the happy moments and the sad moments?

yeah. My best friend in like the entire world. Sarah (we should really hang out more). Like in say about one and a half years will be going to Melbourne and I'm going to UK. So it's kinda ballsy. I just want her to know that I'll actually break down and cry and fuck a fish's brains out. Like A Boss. No Sarah No Life. Write a paragraph? Let it all out? Fuck no.

Time passed shit fast. and You don't get to do half the things you want to do. and then you don't even have the time to after all the commotion and the madness. And you'd think you have all the time in the world when you're getting on with life.

Life is actually shit short. There's not much to it. And you know when you die. people say you'll see your entire life flash before your eyes. I don't think so. It'll be more like a compilation of pictures of things that make you happy.

And I don't believe in coincidences. I think all of this is interlinked in a way, way past the physical. Things happen because they happen.

So basically. Old person looking back on his life moment there. Did up a soliloquy.

But Most days. you don't feel alive. And you don't remember it.

But whatever.

I'm listening to the world.

Sometimes you're like me to you.

And sometimes. I just don't know.

And I'm sure I want this.

But you make me want to hit myself sometimes.

I can't give up because something might be there, and I will because there maybe isn't?

But we both know something is there. But will it last?

But maybe this is what it feels to feel. The wait.

The wait, The thrill.

Firetruck you feelings.

Don't cloud my judgement.

And the worst part is. I know I'm here.

But are you with me?

"if you don't let it hurt, it won't ever hurt."

Maybe we should all kill ourselves once.

I want to die a little.

Just a little.

What do I do?

Why?

Because I'm here.

Watching the world over.

But there's a problem.

One totally obvious.

And One which made me piss my pants.

I think the second more problem is maybe what I've been looking for.

But you never know right?

Maybe the problem is attracted to me too.

And Love.

How I've missed you.

We've got something.

Profound.

But the problem is.

Maybe I'm losing composure.

Magic mouse and wireless keyboard.

I can finally type from my bed.

EPIC. FUCKING. WIN.

Love.

My eyes are growing tired from the different scenes that pass by my eyes.

Maybe my eyes are in reverse.

Maybe that's why I see everything come and go faster and faster.

Welcome the night.

Apparently, we love the drama, to distract and retract us away from and back to the silence.

You are the earth beneath my feet.

You are my gravity.

has anyone told you, that you look gorgeous tonight?

I bought a bottle in which I store thoughts in,

and threw it into the sea to let you hear them.

Has he come to it?

Does she not see it?

Do they not see it?

And what of him?

I mean what fun is it waiting.

Maybe a little.

What now? oh what now.

All the tears and the joy.

Washed away by the 3 words.

Happy New Year.

hahahah, it sounds different. Everything.

Can you hear it? Can you see it?

I'm happy.

Them gears are turning with the sound of change.

Goodbye You.

Goodbye Her.

Goodbye Him.

Bring it, 2010.

You can't touch this.

Why oh why are we leaving you behind.

But here's a toast to the Nine,

For all the good and bad,

And all the best and the worst.

We love you 2009.

I can see things clearer now.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Five,

Six,

Seven.

Ready for Round Two?

One for everything one is going to see.

Two which one has already seen,

Three which one has already denied,

Will there ever be one for more than Three?

Ah but the story switches.

Where five who four has known for two years alone,

Will four be willing to see five go?

Because four will miss five so.

Even though it's nothing more than friendship alone.

Six. oh just screw it.

There's too much noise in six.

And Seven? Who will play in part 7?

If we pick she, then she's already seen three.

But where will she now see after she's past three?

Will there be more? An Eight?

Oh wow. Let's get ready for this.

Goodbye 2009.

Hello 2010.

Now what will happen then?

hahaha holy crap.

Few things have changed.

It's a one two dance,

but there's three.

One is always there.

and two had been.

But the dance jumps to

another tune and it becomes

the two three.

Will one ever find another two?

or will he decide to become

another three.

BUT there's so much more.

Here comes four five and six.

It's a love hexagon.

One to two, then two to three,

but how about three to four?

Why did three just trample all over her feet.

Five and Six are the add-ons,

though Five wants to four.

One wants to six.

But he knows that's too many numbers away.

So he holds his breath and waits.

There's nothing wrong with five and six.

They're unharmed. Except for five with an unrequited love.

Waits.

One can't be fucked.

Two is scared to nuts.

Three is winning.

Four is drowning.

Five is waiting.

Six? hmm.

Let's watch the dance as we swivel round the floor.

Maybe everything will change for the better.

Or maybe not.

NOT IN ME, BELIEVING IN YOU.

NOT IN YOU, BELIEVING IN ME.

BELIEVE IN THE YOU,

THAT BELIEVES IN YOU!

I'm glad.

I feel like I'm trying to look right while looking left.

Let's test the pro and cons and see.

Pros.

Her.

Cons.

Him.

I've been playing this game.

It's been real fun.

But I'm bored now.

He saw, and saw did he saw too much it sawed his heart.

He saw, and saw did he saw too much it sawed his heart.

(Verse 1)

Live in a town where there's only nothing,

Come to my place and lie with me,

Who knew we'd turn out a tragedy.

(Verse 2)

Sit back, relax, tell me your name,

I want to know the reason you're playing this game.

Check your watch, are you following me here.

Can you hear me, am I loud and clear?

(Pre-Chorus)

Don't turn back from yesterday,

I'm sure you know what happened, I'm sorry to say.

But, things happen, they come and go,

So listen to this song I wrote.

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)

Hear me out, I'm talking to you,

I want to say I'm sorry, for leaving you too.

It wasn't supposed to end like this,

it was supposed to be our first and last kiss.

(Pre-Chorus)

So where've you gone baby,

It ended like this.

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

I'm ready for love,

Angels above,

and look at me now,

Don't take her please.

It's just not the same,

without the pain, of your kiss.

and for every tear, we will smile again.

It's been a while huh? since well I blogged.

At the moment. I'm in the middle of my summer holidays.

and let me tell you. It's total bullshit.

But whatever. I sleep at 5? then wake up at 9

tuition 4 times a week

basically, My life was up and down,

now it's just flat on the ground.

I'd thought as we got older it'd get more entertaining.

but seems to me,everything is just complaining.

I lost.

I loved.

I sighed, and cried.

and even thought of what was I doing for a while.

but screw the drama. I'm not in the mood.

it's one big piece of shit, waiting for our souls as food.

and this is the thriller.

One Year.

One Year.

I couldn't care less.

2012, I'm fucking getting 50 bucks.

Screw your prediction crap.

I'm not fucking dying yet.

It never really hits you till later.

And you'd wander in circles chasing after someone who's chasing after you.

It's been Two months. 

Is it still cool to say,

I miss you. 

And moving on is just a motion.

but

Now what.

I'm going to write you a story.

It's not my fault the sunrise hits your head,(so fall back to sleep again.)

And you'd sit awake listening to the morning (Noise)

and I'd be breaking backs to say "Don't be stupid" (Today)

Have you heard the newest couple are Rob and Jay? (so today)

Under the covers just like lovers screaming away (get a room, you say)

Jealousy, not for me, I am one step from the blade. (Don't deny the pain)

But suicide for my pride doesn't match what I have to say (You walk that way)

Yeah that's basically the first and second verse of my new song.

It's stupid.

and I don't understand.

Just shoot me already.

Who are you?

Why?

Is it all a lie?

Did you know?

What do you want?

Why do you breathe?

Why can't you see?

Why can't you hear?

Why can't you feel?

Where does it end?

Where did it start?

Is it over?

How did it happen?

How long have you been gone?

When is soon?

How long is forever?

Why is there a never?

Why is there an ever.

Yes?

Maybe?

No?

------------------------------------------

How do you know?

Who am I?

Am I alive?

I should cry.

- It's empty.

- Dr. Cox is my idol.

- I'm losing time.

- My hair is going white.

- I don't know why, but I still sigh.

On my wall.

On Post One Thirty One.

So My Family.

My Mother.

My Father.

My Brother.

My Sister.

Sarah.

Mum,

Thank you.

You had to carry me round for 9 months.

so well when I'm a bit stronger, I'll carry you.

You brought me in, 

and with my life I'll repay you.

Dad,

I'm sorry. completely.

I'm not the best, the smartest, the strongest.

I try.

But I don't try enough.

You give so much.

Just wait a little longer.

I'm not ready yet.

Redzlan, Redzlan.

Yeah you put up with my crap.

Sorry. You're just fun to make fun of.

I'm much more proud of you than I look.

I think you're gonna be someone great.

Hanna.

You probably haven't

gone through the motions yet.

but hey you're talented to the extreme.

Just lazy to the max.

Sarah.

I have three words.

when everything seems fucked up and crap for you.

I'm still here.

when you're dead scared and can't take it.

I'll still be here.

and when you think it's gonna end.

If I lose you.

We'll meet again.

duh.

Yellow Pages.

I'm not letting go.

You're close enough for me to know.

That I worry about the the same things you do.

Disappointment.

We think we're not enough

we think we're letting the world down.

we think no ones there.

To save you.

and well 

I don't know what Love is.

how it feels.

what it's like.

But I know If I lost any of you.

More tears will fall from my eyes.

than they are now.

Well not really.

I think this depression sadness bullshit is a load of overrated garbage.

How often does your heart beat?

In the way you'd notice.

This is how my heart feels when it's not in my chest.

Stolen - Dashboard Confessional.

That's like my cry-for-days.

This is the story of the Girl 

Whom I let my heart get kidnapped with.

So.

Set the scene.

It was a rush.

not really a hush.

so,

hahaha 5 days.

Knowing me, Knowing you.

I hadn't known.

well hadn't realized.

I would write down her 100 things.

but hell.

My secret.

Go find out yourself.

Yeah I know 

I'm no Edward Cullen.

But hey,

I'm the coolest shit since toasters.

When I don't have anyone to talk to.

Well I blog.

hahahahahaha.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=87048&id=639481289

guys click that.

Everything,

Stops.

It's been dull till now.

and it's going to be again.

I should SHOUT.

Stay. Stay. Stay.

and it went well.

I've never heard a beat so soothing

yet it shook me.

I've been dead.

Probably coming back.

But going to die again.

How many times do I have to Die,

before I can Live.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I fell in love with the girl who got away.

and I miss you too Sarah, You're so lonely sometimes it's amazing.

and tell me all about your love life.

I find it so entertaining.

just come to france.

that way I don't have to pay for airfare.

Umm so I think Sarah would get this.

In basics

Girl who I did like didn't turn out to be the girl I did really like.

It was girl's best friend.

I hadn't realised for all this time.

Until we said goodbye. and I went to france.

I did like Girl

Don't get me caught up.

If you're mine, I'm yours.

If you're only mine.

I'll be only yours.

CAN'T YOU SEE IT?

It's right there.

You just don't see it.

You don't.

And there came Aisha,

she's pretty funny.

hahaha she thinks 

if she kills an insect it will come back and haunt her.

Love, You don't see it.

If only If only.

You felt the same way I do.

Hey I came up with a chorus

Why can't you scream, the words I wanna scream?

Why can't you feel the same way I do?

Why can't you say that I love you too?

It's not like you're broken with a heart in two.

Hahaha I'm just laughing at all the mess.

So I haven't thought about my granddad for real in 10 years.

Am I supposed to miss him?

yeah. 

I love you Tok Daddy, I wish I got to know you better.

You were the second last left hander in the entire family.

I'm the last one.

I wish I got to know you better.

so much.

even if I didn't know you.

I remember standing watching you be buried. or carried away.

I was 5.

and I knew then, whom I had just lost.

haha I'm crying. well getting watery.

I wish I wish,

I got to know you better.

so much so much.

I love you, Tok Daddy,

even if I never knew you.

I hope I become as great as you did.

So I can stay with my grandchildren as long as I.

Can.

It's whoa to know 

how much happens in a year.

Has it been a year? really?

and always there was that one person.

who changed me so.

AHAHAHA, EVERYTHING is so boring.

Happy early birthday, bloggy.

I should name you.

ahahah name you earl maybe.

nah you sound like a fat guy.

Two of my poems got into the anthology.

Why did it.

why 

why 

why

why

why 

why

why

why.

WHY.

oh love oh love.

STOP

USING

MY 

WORDS.

I now declare 

"I wanna taste you from your hips to your lips"

a copyrighted statement.

see it really pisses me off.

MINE

MINE 

MINE.

ahaha,

a whole day worth of frustration.

all OUT.

F*CK YOU!

DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU.

hahahahaha

Oh joy,

and here it comes.

part of me says yes,

part of me says no.

I mean how painful can it get?

and will she follow?

and we'll die, die, die

not knowing, how how how.

Killing me.

To know that I'm that alone,

and you're not answering your phone,

Maybe it's the loss.

Maybe it's the cost.

But I know, that me & you.

so close, stuck like glue.

But we got torn,

Now I'm still alone,

awaiting for everything,

I am missing you.

maybe it's the loss

maybe it's the cost.

To be alone,

to be sewn

to anything.

to anything.

Just maybe, it's the loss.

Probably, it was always the cost.

and I knew, all along,

I had to be strong.

because it was one of these days,

I'm still in a daze.

knowing had hard it was.

to live without you.

But hey.

It's only for so long.

One day I'll be gone,

and I won't remember 

anything 

but you.

Crashing onto the ground, 

washing away the sounds.

feeling like the air,

it feels like we were never there,

Slowly we go, inch by inch, 

reaching for something to hold.

We're just lonely.

Remember how the stars shine?

Brightly in the night sky,

and the blackest tears they cry,

Seeming so far away,

but always there everyday,

Slowly we reach, inch by inch,

shouting for someone to come.

We're just lonely.

Remember the azure full moon?

With a glass of wine in hand,

And cherry red lips to steal,

We kiss to the fireworks,

and thinking about if I wake up next to you.

And I reached, shouted and, and.

Me & You, alone together, sitting in our honeymoon.

We couldn't be any lonelier.

Remember then?

We're weak,

Human.

We'll always need each other, 

because that's the way we are.

yeah, we'll become stronger over time,

but only together,

want to know how to fight your own war?

You can't fight it alone.

Last Year, well we all know who should've won for the single instrumental.

:) haha

okay so this year, I have to pick another song. but I want to go for doubles.

I don't have a single instrumental feel good enough.

Funk's for anything,

Solos for Rockshows,

Piano for sleep.

and Duets for impression.

I actually wanna ask Ian.

we can go like depapepe, but the pro-er songs.

He's pro, I could actually look professional this time.

okay 

Me and Sarah, against

Whiney and Gay Child.

So basically.

Whiney's she's a 'solo' kind of person, what ever works right?

Gay Child is basically gay. If he ever says "BFFs" I call gay.

So they're gonna keep changing songs, worrying about their sexuality,

and then BOOM, they quit.

So Me and Sarah are just gonna be like "OWNED."

Erasing Competition Right?

Why lose when you can win.

I'm sick hahahaha,

NOOOOO.

Good Night.